Hi, My name is Naomi. I am 32 years old and female. I live in Ontario Canada. I like to read and write and work with kids. My favorite books are mysteries and Christian and youth realistic fiction. I like to camp, sing and build campfires. I am attempting to learn HTML and how to scrap book. I have a very close friend whom I hope to marry one day...he hopes to marry me too! I also enjoy speaking French. Well that's my intro just to let you know a bit about me.

Take care,

Naomi

The 17 year old (MH's) who lives in my house has given me lots to think about about friends. She very quickly made a friend in our building. I think this is good as she needs more friends. But it made me think about how friendships grow. MH's is very trusting when she makes a friend she has a good feeling about. I feel very threatened, out of control and scared when someone tries to get to know me too fast. I need time to get to know a person before I trust them. I need to test them, see how loyal they will really be, how trustworthy they are. I didn't know a lot of this about myself before MH's new firiend decided my house was too messy and she was gonna clean it. Talk about read flags...there were a million of them. I don't trust her. But I am willing to get to know her. Who knows what God will bring in this new relationship.

Naomi

? Random Acts of Journaling # >

Has there ever been a moment in your life when you felt at one with (nature, God, the universe, etc.)?


God was there when my mom was pregnant
God was there as I was born Oh so sick
God was there as I grew up hurt, abused and very confused
God was there as teen years rushed in my life
God was there when I didn't want to have a life
God was there as I went to school
God was there all the time
God is here.

Naomi

My tormentors

Kids my age
Never ending
Never thinking
Never a sorry
Never an end

School wasn't safe
Home wasn't safe
Everywhere my tormentors go

They prod
They probe
They name call
They take friends away

It hurts
Everyday it hurts
Keeping secrets hurts

Failure
Failure to change
Failure to protect

Silence
Can't tell
It's wrong to tell
It hurts all the time
but silance must be the rule
Silence
Silence means control
Silence means hurt
Silence is both friend and foe.

STOP!

Stop the pain
Stop the blame
Stop the loud words
Stop the herds
Stop the silence

THERE WILLL BE NO MORE SILENCE

Tell of the hurt
Tell of the sadness
Tell of the anger
Tell of the longings
Tell, tell and tell somemore

So that the hurt will lessen
and hope imerges

Naomi

I come from

I come from
a women
a young women
a frightened women

I come from
being born
being sick
being disabled

I come from
a family
sometimes good
sometimes bad

I come from
a school
with lovely teachers
and rotten kids

I come from
a life in the darkness to
a life in the light with
God at my side

I come from
being a child
to being an adult
a women

Naomi

Well here comes some more musing.

Accessable Transportation

I live in one of the most accessable cities I know for public transportation. Every new bus they buy has to have a low floor and a ramp. We don't have trains, streetcars or light rapid transit. But the accessable busses allow me and lots of other people lead more 'normal' lives.

Accessable transportation doesn't just benifit those of us who use wheel chairs or scooters. It can benifit everyone. The person with the stroller, the elderly one who has a walker or a cane, the person with a load of groceries. Everyone benifits from accessability.

Acessability also makes people see that people with disibalities are really just like them. People with disabilities go to movies, go out for dinner, shop ect. In the climate I live in there is still a use for transportation designed specifically for disabled people. It's hard to make a wheelchair go in the snow. But giving us the same freedom to get around is a blessing.

Naomi

"Emotions are managed not cured"
Dr. Phil

We all have emotions. No one lives without them. Sometimes we stuff them far away in our minds. Other times we split them off from ourselves, creating a part that will hold them until we are ready to know what they are.

Our parts/alters/personalities are given to us by God, to help us survive that which we could not on our own. When we find a safe place we are often overwhelmed. We do not know what to do with them. We don't know how to manage/regulate our emotions.

In my case, I, Naomi have Borderline Personality Disorder. A disorder that has everything to do with the ability to regulate or not regulate emotions.

I have learned through therapy, both group and individual, some ways that can help me mange (regulate) emotions. Sometimes I am really good at using my skills, other times I fail. The most important thing though is that I try to management.

Some of the things that help me are:

-Journaling (in writing)
-Journaling (through art)
-Talking to people both on line and in real life
-distraction-TV, computer, rea ect
-Relaxation-with my relaxation tape
-Go out
-Sleep

When these ideas fail I tend to hurt myself. The hurting grows less and less as I practice managing my emotions.

Emotions, I've been taught come and go like water on the sea shore. The waves come and go. So no matter how long we think our current emotion will last, sooner or later it will leave us and something new will come along.

Naomi

What was your graduation from high school (or college) like? Who spoke? How did you feel about it all?

My High School Graduation was a really neat time. I graduated with on of my Pastors children whom I had lived with for the last 2 years. It was very exciting to Graduate. Stephen and Gail were there to be my cheerleaders. And my Mother came up special to see my graduation.

Pastor S.W. one of our churches Pastor's prayed at my Graduation and that was way cool. I had a nice long cordory dress (Gradution was in November). My Mom forgot my shoes so I had to wear my boots to my graduation. It was a fun time I remember, taking public transit with my natural Mom. We had a good night. I can't remember who spoke or anything like that. But I do know I was proud of myself for finally finishing my OAC/Grade 13 year. I was also excited about the year that had just begun in a Christian University.

I wish I could say I was successful in University but I have only completed about half my degree. My major is Psychology and my minor is Political Science.

I am a survivor of abuse and dealing with that is what ended my university career. Someday I hope to return to the educational realm of things. Naomi

When was the last time you...

...laughed? I laughed watching Touched by an angel

...cried? I haven't cried in a long time

...wrote a real letter? Wow it's been a while

...got mad? don't know

...yelled at someone/something? MH for not taking her meds

...kissed someone? MH kissed me on the cheek. I generally don't kiss

...hugged someone? MH's get lots of hugs from her

...lied?I try not to lie

...did something nice for someone? Got presents for leaders in my Brownie (Girl Scout) unit

...went on a date? At Christmas

...had (or went to) a party? MH's Birthday

...loved someone (or something) so much it scared you? Happens often with my friend sh

...ate something you didn't like just to please someone else? Tried a salmon patty b/c MH's made it. YUCK

...did something you didn't want to do? Took all the cookie money for my Brownie Unit

...gave up on something (or someone) MH's and school work.